We recently celebrated the 40 year anniversary of the death of Elvis, a man who shook the world with his aggressive pelvis-thrusting sexuality in his youth and then ate himself to death. Truly, that is the real American dream right there. The anniversary brought to mind all his great songs, and one in particular that might have saved his poor, over-exerted heart if he’d listened to his own advice, and it goes a little something like this…
A little less conversation, a little more action please!
This song has a weary memory attached to it for me about an Asian American guy who I chatted with on Grindr while living in Taipei. If you’ve read past posts of mine you’re probably thinking “Asian American, DING DING DING, score!” and I was too, at first. He was older (check), he was handsome (check), he spoke English fluently (check), he had a Taiwanese background (check check check).
We chatted back and forth for a while and tried to meet up but he was quite busy. One night, I was out at Commander D, a dark-room gay club for those with some fairly tame leather and sadomasochistic fetishes. Nothing too cray, but if you wanted to get tied up wearing a mask and a vibrator pressed to your mister then this was the place. My friends and I went for the lolz and the drinks and the attention of potato queens.
This night, however, I wasn’t putting on my best show and being fairly introverted. The alcohol wasn’t quite sitting right so I wasn’t even getting drunk. My other white friend was being annoyingly coy with a bunch of Taiwanese guys when finally a message from my potential D appointment!
It’s three o’clock in the morning and I get an offer to meet me at the Orient Hotel and go up to this guys room.
Now, this hotel is faaaaaancy so of course I say yes! And I mean, we both know what we’re there for and things start off great! That room…wow…and the guy was nice, too. Just one problem though…
A little more bite and a little less bark, A little less fight and a little more spark…
We started out with the usual verbal preamble but it then became clear that this episode of the Late Show was going to be all about the hosts previous boyfriends. He proceeded to show me pics of the guys he’d been with and the guy he was currently seeing on his phone and saying “Isn’t he so hot? There’s a bit of an age difference but Nathaniel is just really mature for his age so he says he can’t stand guys his own age.”
The guys were hot and I was starting to wonder just how much money this guy made and whether I could cash in on this gig too when the fun started…
…and he talked non-stop. “Yeah, you like it when I do that? How do you like that? Does it feel good? What about when I do this? You like my cock, don’t you? Right? Yeah. Oh yeah, that’s awesome, do that again. Do you like it? Does it feel good? Wow, you’re so hot. Do you think I’m hot? Do you like my cock? Do you like it? Does it feel good?”
And me, “Mmhmmm, mmmm, mmmmmmmm, mmmmmmmmmm, yeah, of course, mmmm, mmmmm, mhmm, mmm, mhm, m…”
You’re eyes are supposed to roll to the back of your head because you’re dying of pleasure not because you can barely contain the boredom and disbelief.
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me!
I’m not one for total dead silence but come on! Body language is very important, use some of that and feel the moment. I’m not here to answer 20 questions for an interview on the The View.
Also it seemed he hadn’t come very prepared and there was no way I was letting American Russell Brand in here without protection. No condoms? No worries! To liven up the situation he resourcefully suggested the use of scented, hotel brand hand cream…and my erection was gone.
Satisfy me!
I spent the rest of our encounter propped up on my elbow with the squelchy sound of generic hand cream being put through its paces assaulting my ears until I could finally disengage myself and leave totally unsatisfied.
Was his never ending stream of verbalisation a symptom of insecurity, low self esteem, being American, being older? Maybe I should be more sympathetic to plight of mouthy Americans.
Or was it me being insecure and too shy to speak my mind and get in on the verbal foreplay? I must say though, no other sexual partner has been so talkative…body language people!
(more hotel rendezvous to come)
Spill the Tea on Me 